What To Say To A Friend Mourning The Death Of A Loved One To Help Them Move Forward

Grief is a natural, human emotion that people experience after losing a loved one. It’s a painful and often overwhelming emotional state that can render even the toughest person we know helpless. After all, death isn’t something that you can reverse. However, grief is something that we can deal with. Whether through practical and emotional support or tangible things like sympathy gifts, we can provide things to help a bereaved heal.

Words are also powerful when it comes to helping a friend mourning the death of a loved one to move forward. Here’s what to say and how to properly communicate to someone grieving.

Give them time. Like how there’s an etiquette to follow when giving sympathy gifts, you also have to follow some guidelines when communicating with a bereaved individual — even if that person is a close friend. And one of the first things you should consider is never to force them to open up and voice out what they feel.

Sincerely acknowledge the reality. Once they’re ready to talk about their feelings, you have to be careful about the words you’ll say to them. Never sugarcoat anything. Be straightforward when acknowledging the situation. Say “I heard that your mom died” instead of “You know, she’s in a better place now” or “It’s part of His plan and it’s time to move on now.”

Don’t invalidate their feelings nor compare them with someone else’s. When sharing a conversation with someone grieving, you have to understand that they are in a fragile situation. One sentence — even if you mean no harm — can make them break down. So you have to be really careful with what you say and how you say it. Don’t compare and say that what they’re experiencing is relatively lighter than someone’s situation. Grief is personal and however your friend is grieving, you have to accept it as it is.

Learn when to simply listen. Keep this in mind: You don’t have to do the talking all the time. Communication is a two-way street. And when you feel like your friend is pouring all those pent-up emotions, give them the space and the time that they need. Lend them an ear and a shoulder to lean on. Sometimes, even just a hug is already enough to comfort their burdened hearts.

Bring up memories you shared with the deceased. During the more casual conversations, it’s also helpful to recall the fond memories that you have involving the person who passed away — especially those that the bereaved might not know of. This will help them know how much their loved one is well-appreciated.

Pair your words with actions. While saying the right words is comforting and reassuring, it will be weightier if you match that with your actions. Don’t just tell your friend that you’re there for them. Offer them practical support whenever you can. For instance, you can offer to do their laundry or help accommodate the guests. You can also give them sympathy gifts that will serve as meaningful mementos they can hold on to whenever they’ll feel sad. When someone’s mourning the death of a loved one, know that even the smallest acts and briefest words go a long way.